Do you flee screaming? Do you mentally go through your calendar and search for any excuse to be busy that day? Of course you don’t. You gently take their hands, congratulate them, and thank them for inviting you and the church to be a part of their celebration. Thus begins the wonderful process of sharing and strengthening faith through the rite of marriage. Four main areas in the preparation and celebration of marriage are key opportunities for good catechesis: hospitality, music, word, and gesture.

Hospitality
Because our parish community was a Newman center unable to accommodate large weddings, my husband and I had to search for a Catholic church in which to hold the ceremony. We found one in his hometown, but because he was not Catholic, he had never been to that church. Yet on our first visit there, the church receptionist warmly greeted us. She gladly looked up possible wedding dates and also introduced us to the pastor. He welcomed us into his office, where he listened attentively to our stories. At the end of our impromptu meeting, he gave us a sincere hug as if we had been his parishioners for years. This wonderful encounter with the church became one of the many influences that eventually led my husband to initiation.

Our first responsibility as ministers of the church is to be hospitable. This first step to good catechesis is especially true when working with families preparing for marriage. Everyone from the church receptionist (usually the first to make contact with the engaged couple) to the initiation director (fielding questions about baptism, confirmation and Eucharist) needs to be aware of the precious opportunities they have each time a couple comes to them. You never know how much courage it may have taken this couple to approach you or what past wounds or preconceptions about the church they may have. Christ comes to us in stranger and in friend, in bride, bridegroom and, yes, even in-laws-to-be. When there is respect and trust, the Gospel can be easily heard and faith can be lovingly shared. Hospitality must permeate every step in the preparation process.

This is especially important at the wedding rehearsal. It may be the third couple of the evening for the rehearsal director, but it is the first time for this couple and their families and friends to gather in the church. For many participants, this may be their first experience of the church. Don’t let it be their last.

Here are some hospitality tips for the wedding rehearsal and ceremony:

• Welcome each participant as he or she arrives. Introduce yourself. Nametags may be helpful. Have everything already prepared in the church so that you are ready to welcome. Make sure the church is well lit for their arrival.
• Once all are settled, pray with them. This calms nerves and focuses everyone for the serious work ahead. If the prayer is led by a lay person, it models how prayer belongs to the whole people of God and not to “Father” alone. Use this time to familiarize everyone with the standard structure of communal prayer, pointing out the cues for their “Amen,” such as “for ever and ever” and “through Jesus Christ our Lord.”
• Practice some of the songs and acclamations as well. Encourage everyone to participate as much as they are comfortable according to their own religious practices. Emphasize that they are there to be supports for the couple and that their enthusiastic participation in the responses of the liturgy will be a concrete sign of that support.
• Do a brief overview of the wedding liturgy (gathering, Liturgy of the Word, rite of marriage, Liturgy of the Eucharist if applicable, dismissal), describing the focus and purpose of each section and how each prepares and leads to the next. This should not be a run-down of stage directions or do’s and don’ts but a gentle explanation of the significance of each part of the liturgy. This is also a time to point out the various elements of the church such as the lectionary, ambo, altar, tabernacle, and font. A prepared handout that welcomes visitors, introduces them to the services of the parish, and reviews these wedding elements may be useful.
• It would be demanding, but imagine the impact of having your hospitality ministers welcoming guests at the church doors at every wedding. They could distribute the worship aid in addition to parish information on initiation, sacraments, and returning Catholic ministries.
• Use a worship aid. Make it a true worship aid versus just a program of wedding-party names. Encourage the couple to include the assembly’s spoken and sung responses (but not the full text of readings and prayers) in the worship aid. You can easily obtain music copyrights, sometimes for free, by writing the publishers. You can also include a brief overview of each part of the liturgy. Offer sample worship aids to the couple to use as models as they prepare theirs.

• Have the music director speak with couples about how he or she chooses music for a particular Sunday Mass. Show how the readings and focus of a particular Sunday or season affect the musical selection. Invite the couples to celebrate Mass on that Sunday to experience how the music supports and intertwines with the ritual texts and actions. (This assumes that you have a solid liturgical music program in place. If this is not true, work on improving your Sunday music. Consider taking your couples to a community where music works well in the liturgy so that they have the experience of good liturgical music.)
• Talk about the difference between cantors and soloists. Show how your Sunday cantor leads the assembly rather than dominates the “show.” Have cantors teach the psalm and other acclamations to the assembly before the wedding liturgy. Talk about the fine line between musical performance and prayer. Discuss how music can help the liturgy flow smoothly and how it can also stall the pace. Help them choose music that fits with the length of the ritual action. The worst pitfalls are at the lighting of the unity candle and at the presentation of flowers to Mary (neither custom is in the rite). Couples might request a four-minute piece for an action that takes less than 30 seconds. Suggest instead an instrumental or a short acclamation or refrain sung by the whole assembly. Try the refrain of “Christ Be Our Light” by Bernadette Farrell (OCP) or an “Alleluia.”
• Have the couple take home a copy of the church hymnal. Ask them to mark pieces with texts that speak about their understanding of Christian marriage. Find out what other pieces (secular or religious) they would like to use. For a secular piece, discuss what idea that piece communicates for them. See if there is a liturgical piece that expresses that same idea.
• Explain the importance of the gathering song (see General Instruction of the Roman Missal 25; Music in Catholic Worship 44, 61; and Liturgical Music Today 18). Suggest using a few verses of a gathering song just prior to the procession, continuing with an instrumental of the song as the procession begins, and singing the remaining verses after the wedding party is in place within the worship space.
• Use more acclamations, especially during the rite of marriage. In the revised rite (still awaiting Vatican approval for the English translation), there are acclamations after the vows and the exchange of rings. The whole rite itself, beginning with the statement of intentions, could be underscored with music, then a short acclamation sung after the vows, after exchanging rings, and during any special customs such as the unity candle, cord and veil, or arras (coins). Try the refrain of “Blessing the Marriage” by John Bell (GIA) or “God in the Planning” also by John Bell (GIA). I’ve used verse one of this piece after the vows, verse three after the rings, and verse four during any special customs. See also Simple Gifts 5, no.1 (Resource Publications, Inc.); in it you can find a piece I wrote for my wedding. We used the whole piece as the gathering procession and the refrain alone as the acclamation during the rite of marriage. Acclamations also work well during the nuptial blessing. The whole blessing can be sung, as in Vicki Klima and Michael Joncas’ “A Nuptial Blessing” (GIA), or a short refrain can be interspersed throughout the spoken text.
• Participation, participation, participation. Remind your couples that their wedding is not a show but a party that is only successful when the guests interact with the host (Christ found in the presence of the couple), join in the party activities (greeting, singing, telling stories, hugging, touching, listening, eating), and interact with each other (recognizing Christ in each other). As in any party, there are times when we listen to someone sing a beautiful song, but more often there are times when we all sing together.

ML

Diana M. Kaulback is the music director at St. Francis of Assisi Catholic Churchin Concord, Calif., and at Saint Mary’s College Campus Ministry in Moraga, Calif. Her e-mail address is DMKaulback@compuserve.com.

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