UNDOING THE “I DO” The Sacrament of Marriage and the Annulment Process Ida Iris Miranda Paper, $16.95 96 pages, 5½" × 8½" ISBN 0-89390-550-X View Table of Contents View Excerpt Quantity:

"Too many Catholics believe that staying in a bad marriage is what God wants and that an annulment is no different than a divorce,” writes author, Ida Iris Miranda.  With Undoing the "I Do", she sets out to give you a tool to help your community rid itself of these misconceptions.  She starts with the history and theology of marriage, moves on to the rationale behind the annulment process and the way it works, and then explores a host of pastoral issues that inevitably come up during an annulment.  This easy-to-digest book includes stories and interviews that paint a vivid picture of how real people handle these pastoral problems and opportunities. The book includes samples of various forms used during the process of annulment.

About the Author

Ida Iris Miranda, currently pastoral associate at St. Agatha Church in Los Angeles, teaches an adult formation class for the Archdiocese of Los Angeles.  She has received an advanced degree in religious studies from Mt. St. Mary's College in Los Angeles and a certificate in Hispanic Pastoral Studies from Loyola Marymount University.

Introduction

Chapter 1. Marriage As Covenant and Sacrament

Chapter 2. Catholic Theology of Marriage

Chapter 3. Three Annulments

Chapter 4. Common Questions about Annulments

Chapter 5. Pastoral Concerns and Responses

Conclusion

Appendices

Notes

Bibliography

The following is the introduction from Undoing the "I Do": The Sacrament of Marriage and the Annulment Process. All rights reserved. Copyright © 2002, Resource Publications, Inc.

 Introduction

As a lay pastoral minister, I have encountered the misconceptions that Catholics have about marriage as a sacrament. For many Catholics the Sacrament of Marriage is understood to be a once-in-a-lifetime blessing given to couples on their wedding day. The average Catholic believes that once a couple is joined together by a priest through a marriage ritual in the church, the union becomes a perpetual, one-time, and legal contract. It is no wonder then that they are surprised when they hear that someone they know, who they thought had a so-called "good marriage," has had the marriage annulled and has remarried in the Catholic Church. These same people are especially surprised to hear that someone who is divorced is able to have his or her marriage annulled and can remarry in the Catholic Church. There are also Catholics and non-Catholics who believe that annulments are Catholic substitutes for divorce, and they are displeased that the church would even consider them.

The concept that marriage is a contract of "for better or worse," has kept many good Catholics in family situations where they experience victimization or where their dignity and self-worth are ignored. Perhaps these Catholics were told in the past by priests and family members that divorce is out of the question or that an annulment is not possible. These attitudes keep many couples away from active participation in the Catholic Church. Such is the story of a catechist-friend of mine:

Laura

One Saturday morning after the religious education and formation program for the children had ended, Laura approached me in tears to inform me that for personal reasons she would be unable to teach the fourth grade students I had assigned her. I was heart-broken for I knew how much she loved teaching the children about their faith. She had recently become a member of our parish and I was beginning to get to know her. Laura and her husband had been involved in lay ministry at another parish, and she had been certified as a catechist through the diocesan office.

Laura and her husband were a wonderful, loving couple, and their three children attended the parish religious education programs. I made an appointment for the following evening to talk further with her and to see what the parish could do to help her in discerning this decision. We began our meeting with prayer and spent time sharing our stories of faith with one another. Laura said that she felt she could no longer teach because she had been previously married in the church, divorced, and was now remarried. She explained that she had gone to a priest for confession because she longed to receive the Eucharist and that after hearing her story he advised her to receive communion and to continue in parish ministry.

After confiding some of the details of her first marriage with me (see page 20), I suggested that she speak to our pastor. I was confident that based on the way the church today determines a marriage to be a sacrament, Laura could request that a "declaration of nullity" be made of her first marriage. Laura was shocked to learn that an annulment was possible; she could not believe that anyone who was married in the church could get an annulment.

The lack of a clear understanding of how the church declares a marriage to be null prevails today. Catholics are asking whether a Church court has the authority to decide when a marriage is valid or not and, therefore, to "undo the I do". Marriage in the Catholic Church is a central Catholic teaching. Canon law, however, recognizes the reality of marital breakdowns and separations and acknowledges the need for comprehensive pastoral action for those who have experienced it.

My interest in writing this book is based on my experiences in lay pastoral ministry in religious education and formation. Some people to whom I minister are divorced couples; many are parents who are searching to belong and to have a relationship with God and the church. My initial contact with them is through the required infant baptism preparation classes, First Communion parent meetings, the RCIA process, and adult faith formation courses. In each case, the parishioners were not in full communion with the church because they believed that it was impossible for their previous marriage, which they understood the official church looked upon as a perpetual contract, could be declared null.

It is my hope that this book will help the lay pastoral minister to support the church's teaching on marriage as well as to understand that the annulment process can be a healing and reconciliatory pastoral response for some divorced Catholics. In the past, perhaps Laura would have been thanked for wanting to be involved in parish ministry, told that she was indeed "living in sin", and sent away to pray about her situation. I saw the opportunity to model for her what the church is all about, a place where priority is on the person and on the love of God. The church is a place where a person is accepted and encouraged to continue on his or her faith journey, in spite of past decisions, (whether to remain in a destructive marriage or not). A lay pastoral minister must take the time to listen and to reflect on the stories that are shared by others in those teachable moments that are so much a part of the journey of faith.

This book will begin with a brief introduction on the development of marriage as a sacrament, explore the church's understanding of the marriage sacrament, offer a general review of the divorce and annulment process in the United States, and raise the pastoral concerns and responses. The book concludes with recommendations related to the pastoral care prior, during, and after the annulment process.

The stories of couples who have experienced the annulment process are interwoven in the pages that follow and were obtained through personal interviews. The men and women who shared their stories were happy to do so. They wanted very much to share their experiences, and hoped that their stories would bring others the inner peace, and sense of belonging they now have as divorced and remarried Catholics. To protect their confidentiality, names and places have been changed.